Shifting

IMG_0100.JPGI am in this body.  I am not this body. For years, I had issue with people wanting to see me, not this body but my heart, spirit and mind.  The vastness of my mind in totality.  I felt a dance in my spirit this particular day.  It’s kinda my thing.  I felt it in my bones.

I had a female suitor stop by my job and she wanted to have tea or coffee after work.  Ok no harm in that so I agreed.  We met at a local hookah bar, cool! We had tea and talked a little bit, the music was playing and it was laid back.  Little did I know but the hookah bar turned into a club scene after a certain hour.  No issues I can adapt.  Long story short we ended up having to move because they charge for booths after a certain hour also. The DJ hit a serious mix of all the trap songs I love and my first reaction, dance! Get up and dance. I did, a quick wine and two step and I was moved to sit down.

The atmosphere around me changed, the energy changed and I felt angel kisses down my arms.  I was looking at the TV, my suitor asked if I liked soccer, I was so dazed I was unsure of what I was watching.  I was stuck and could not move.  A young fella comes and sits next to me and my angel kisses increased.  He asked me to watch his coat, and cash money took over for the 99. But in my seat I was still sitting,  I rubbed my arms because those angel kisses would not let up.  They came in waves to the point I appeared to be shivering from being cold.  My suitor rubbed my arm with hands like icicles, it did nothing for those angel kisses.

Just like that my body was covered, I was trying to distract myself from these feelings by continuing to dance but seated.  The young fella that was seated next to me asked me to hold his hookah stick for a second. I agreed and he got up.  My suitor had a look like did he just ask you to hold his hookah. She attempted to take it from my hand and put it down.  But I sat there and said it’s ok.  No coincidences only my spirit leading the way.  It forced me to sit still.

I was in overload.  I was shifting and shedding right there in a crowded hookah bar.  A million thoughts began to filter through my mind.  A major question popped into my mind, “WHO, ARE YOU?” It was loud and vibrated in my ears.  I was no longer present in my body, although aware of my surroundings.  I heard the words of my business associate Parker and friend Bambi. Parker’s words, “This will be epic.” And Bambi, “Everyone is not for you, and the one’s who are you will know.” “My Nubian soul sista, you are more than your body, the right one will see.”

And I sat right there and did not move, holding some strangers hookah stick.  I am in this body but I am not this body.  “Shakita, what is your legacy?”, my spirit asked me.  She continued,” If you always had this thing about people knowing more than your body.  Sit right here and feel who you are.”

And I did what I do best I felt, and I understood.  I had to see what people saw when they looked at me, I had to feel my purpose, I had to looked beyond that moment. And the question came again, “Shakita,  what is your legacy?”

My suitor tried to urge me, with encouraging words of it was ok, I sat right there. I was known and still am known as Shakita with the fat ass depending on who you ask. But is that my legacy.

In that moment, I was no longer just Shakita with the fat ass.  I was your girls favorite writer, I was a Reiki Master, I was a Healer, Lightworker.  I had become who I was becoming. I had arrived at empowerment.

Right there in a hookah bar, with music blasting, I shifted. Not to become a prisoner but to be aware. I was not the victim. I was the success story. I was not the body but the spirit. And dancing in this place mattered in more ways than one. So I sat there holding this strangers hookah stick.  And crossed my legs until he returned. I’m sure my suitor was not to happy about my choice not to dance. But I understood at a deeper level, a grander scale who I was, and what would I be giving to dance seductively to reggae music in front of this stranger? Who would I be giving?

She asked me was I ready to go and I was already fastening my coat.  I left the old me right there in the Paradise Lounge Hookah bar.

Day 716

img_0093Day 716 of celibacy but who is counting! Uh me duh! November 4, 2014 I made a decision to be celibate. Well it was an idea this young lady gave me. I will call her Sunshine, well Sunshine had this agreement between herself and a group of folks she knew to be celibate for a few months.  I guess because the choices and decisions they made were skewed by sex.  They signed on a napkin, dated it and all. So me at first was in my feelings like for real, we had a good thing going here! There goes my friend with benefits, sheesh!

I got to thinking about it, the decisions I made in my past, and how much I had endured as far as sex was concerned so  it made sense to do it. I struggled with this for a minute because it was like man, I like sex. I liked sex with her. She had this way about her my goodness! Ok snap out of it Shakita…the story!

All these thoughts went through my mind about what was I going to do to fill that need and void.  I mean so much of how we do things has a motive of sex behind it.  Until that day, I did not realize just how much emphasis I had on sex.  And my relationship with it.

Now from a spiritual standpoint, sex is energy.  It’s an exchange for pleasure hopefully,  but it’s creative energy that is stored in your sex. It’s so much more than just a nut if you will. When channeled and used for other things.

It was unintentional for the celibacy to last this long,  but with channeling that sexual energy into other areas of my life. Like gardening, painting, crafting, writing I discovered a million and one different things about myself. What other things I want in a relationship with someone outside of just great sex. It took away the need for sex as a basis for dealing with someone just because. I’m not going to sugar coat it and say I don’t have days where I don’t want to use the energy to create, I’m human. It gets rough, and I want to knock everybody stuff on the floor and scream bloody murder. And in those instances it’s other avenues, because sometimes you have to rub one out!

Being celibate changed shit.  It has changed the way I date. Now baby let me tell you, all those sayings of wear granny panties and don’t shave in order to keep you from having sex is the sho’nuff truth.  As women we are particular about our yoni and being seen a certain way. Hence, the meme of the lady covered in shaving cream, to prepare for that arrival after the I’m about to come thru text. My motto is if you stay ready you never have to get ready. It’s law, don’t dispute it!

Since the full moon, my chakra healing focus has been root and sacral.  Root chakra is the chakra located at the base of your spine. It’s responsible for your sense of safety and security. Balancing and healing the root chakra creates the foundation for all others.  It grounds you to Earth. The root chakra deals with your basic needs being met. If the root chakra is imbalanced it manifests in the body as anxiety and fear. It is associated with the color red. I painted my nails red, my bra has been red, even my lipstick.

Sacral chakra, known as the creativity and sexual chakra.  It is above the pubic bone and below the navel. It is associated with the genitals, it translates into the dwelling place of self. If the sacral is imbalanced you fear change, emotional instability, sexual dysfunction, and even depression.  It is associated with the color orange, creative expression and honoring your body. You may feel open in some areas but not open in others. Or conform to follow the rules to fit in, or base decisions about what is acceptable to others.

In honor of my upcoming Celibacy Anniversary, partnered with my sacral healing work this week. I decided to treat myself to a Brazilian Wax, thanks Groupon! I was not prepared however for it to be a different experience to my European Wax center experience. How wrong was I?! I was super wrong. I wanted to kick her in the face. Straight up! I was laying there thinking of different ways to get out of it. But I had already took my pants off. The esthetician was already in the room, ain’t no turning back now huh?

The experience reminded me, one I’m not going to wait this long EVER again, but also to allow myself pleasure and the joys of life to naturally flow and exist in my life.  To endure all that yanking and pulling of fine hairs, directly links to the pulling and yanking that life does daily. To allow that but not allow true joy, creativity and expression after all the work you have done. It pulled from me that old stagnant energy, repression if you will. Trusting my healing work, enough to say I can handle being intimate with someone, without judgement, fear, and it’s ok! I’m human. I can come out of hiding.  Literally, HA!

Healing work is real! All that from a trip to get a wax…be free folks!

 

 

 

Single is Life…

I can not count how many times I was given advice about being single that was like a death sentence. Advice like you need to heal and maybe you will find someone. Or you have to be ok with being by yourself in order to be with someone else.

While its some truth to it, it does not make a person any less dateable. Which is the part that most of us single folk could get caught up in.

You have read all the self help books, put them into action and still your single. Thinking that the advice you got from your booed up counterparts was a shoe in for a relationship.

Realistically though, take a look around and do inventory of the relationships that these people are in, what do you see? Now some may look around and see bliss, in certain situations this is true in others not so much.  It’s cheating, trust issues, ex drama, and loneliness while in a relationship. And I began to wonder well damn did they take their own advice before getting in a relationship?

The death sentence began the moment you looked at things from someone else’s perspective as if something was wrong with you for being single. Ummm hello, hell no!

Single for some is about self love and preservation and living. Being happy across all avenues and being open to a relationship. A real one, not I’m single, woe is me, let me get a boo. Single for some means I’m open to all the possibilities around me but I’m not here for the bull lol.

And when I do it again I want it to be something totally different than anything I have had before.  Let’s be honest dating after 30 is a bit of work because the mentality is different. What are we doing? Where are we going? How are we growing together and separately?

People are perfectly imperfect and no ones past relationships are definitive to what is to come. Healing is necessary true but it does not make people less dateable or unworthy of a relationship, neither does being independent.  Too many folks in codependent relationships giving damn relationship advice! But that’s my opinion.

To all you partnered, married folks stop giving advice to people from a space that says no one will want you because you have a past.  If anything it makes them more eligible not less, especially if they dealt with their bags and are better.  Ask more questions and be encouraging or shut the hell up, because someone wanted you and you used to be still is a hoe bag! Ok!

The Introduction

The epitome of a lot of things and all of them great, often times put in a box, oh what a mistake. My philosophy speaks to the hypocrisy of society and it’s definition of fake.  The definition of real being based on material things, and I can’t relate.  I escaped the pitfalls of pain and learned to love again, putting pedal to the medal and begun again.

Material realness while the soul is empty, grabbing hold to labels, screaming “Here I am look at me.” Yet you wonder why they look at you niggerishly….

The measure of a man comes not from the tangible you see while holding your hands out. Going from pillars to post, pissing on pots and giving others false hope.  That’s real to you.

Well that definition ain’t real to me, as my heart continues to pump and my yoni continues to bleed, I am the seed that is seen. It has been watered daily and harvested a new outcome.

Embracing the newness of Mylove Infinitely, I would never denounce the good in it in order to be real to you. Me end up in a box competing with the emptiness of you. Sorry not sorry, my soul flies free, and your real ain’t real to me.

I create a new reality leaving all woes and depravity, alone I’m enough. With the heart of a lion and skin that’s super tough, I could be like you but that’s a life I don’t choose. So I build more of me, so you can see the change living through me. And that’s what you call creating a new reality.

Mylove Infinitelyimage

Puppy Love

Puppy Love

Love is waiting on me. It was waiting on me to, open the door, waiting for me to say hello. It seemed like I opened the door and love breathed a sigh of relief, she is coming, FINALLY! I have been waiting on you!

Love stood there waiting for me to get closer, please oh please rub my belly.  I want to show you all my new tricks! Just come closer.  So apprehensively I approach love and it’s jumping, literally jumping.  “I want to show you real love, no counterfeits,” says Love. You vibrate at this frequency and attracted me to you and I am here to do just that, love all on you.

But I went in the house. Disappointed and waiting Love continued to watch. Can you not see that I have been all around you like the gentle breeze of the wind, as it blows.  And from your heart it flows. Several times love knocked and scratched at my door, do I open it, or do I say naw you can’t come in here.

It made me feel a way the way Love was speaking to me. So I reopened the door and went back outside to talk and play with love.  I rubbed it’s belly and it was happy. It nibbled at my fingers and wanted to lay in my lap.

But Love’s owner came home, well opened their front door and Love so engulfed in me ignored their owner. Love did not freaking move you here me.  It kept right on jumping at my dress, it even whimpered. It’s owner turned away from the door and returned to their recliner and Love continued to play with me and I with it.

When I was ready to go back in my house I did, and Love stood at my door, she just did not understand. She screamed, “But I love you. I’m out here because I love you.” Love scratched at my front door and even barked a time or too. See Love is my neighbors dog Jack, I thought I told you that.  And she belongs to my neighbor. But in that moment I knew I had a decision to make, I had love all around me and I just needed to open the door to receive more.

Are you open to receive love? If it knocks will you answer?

Mylove Infinitely